Alright, my son? This is Del Boy, your friendly neighbourhood market trader, here to talk about something that's more foolish than buying a hooky VCR from a bloke down the market. I'm talking about using your mobile phone while driving, you plonker!
1. "You Know it Makes Sense... Not!"
First things first, using your mobile while driving is against the law, innit? You could get slapped with 6 points on your licence and a £200 fine. And if you think that's bad, you could get a maximum fine of £1,000 (£2,500 if you’re driving a lorry or bus). That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of Peckham Spring water and then some!
2. "He Who Dares Doesn't Always Win, Rodney!"
You might think you're being a right Del Boy, daring and all, by sneaking in a quick call or text. But let me tell you, you're more likely to end up like Grandad when he tried to fix the chandelier. It's a disaster waiting to happen, my son.
3. "This Time Next Year, We'll Be... In Court?"
You might think you're clever now, but use that phone and you could end up in front of the judge faster than you can say "cushty!" And trust me, the only thing you'll be trading then is your dignity.
4. "Don't Be a 42-Carat Plonker!"
Even my dear brother Rodney, bless him, knows not to use a mobile while driving. It's distracting, you see. You need to keep your peepers on the road, not on your latest dodgy deal coming through on WhatsApp.
5. "Hands-Free is Not Risk-Free, You Dipstick!"
Some of you modern Trotters might think using a hands-free device makes it alright. Well, it doesn't. You're still not focusing, are you? It's like trying to sell ice to Eskimos while riding a unicycle. Not gonna end well.
6. "The Grim Reality: It Could Be Fatal, Trigger"
Now, let's get serious for a moment, shall we? Using your mobile while driving ain't just illegal or foolish; it could be deadly. You could end up killing someone, and that's no joke. It's not like one of my dodgy deals that you can just walk away from. This is life and death, my son. So think twice before you pick up that phone.
7. "Sweating for the Licence, Not for the Judge!"
You worked hard to get that licence, didn't ya? Sweating through the theory test, driving lessons, parallel parking like a pro, and finally hearing those magic words: "You've passed." Now, imagine sweating in a courtroom instead, as you lose that hard-earned licence. Not the same kind of sweat, is it? Keep that licence safe by keeping that phone down.
8. "What Would Uncle Albert Say? You Need Driving Lessons Son!"
If Uncle Albert were here, he'd probably tell you a long story about the war and somehow relate it to the dangers of using a mobile while driving. And you know what? He'd be right, the old sea dog.
9. "Even Boycie Would Think Twice!"
Boycie might act like he's above the law, what with his fancy car and Marlene on his arm. But even he wouldn't risk a run-in with the rozzers just to take a call. Be smart, don't be a Boycie.
So there you have it, you wallies. Using your mobile phone while driving is a mug's game. Keep it safe, or you'll end up like one of my dodgy deals: broken and regrettable. Now, who's up for a game of poker at The Nag's Head? Lovely jubbly!
Stay safe, Stay Legal
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